t h e... H o l l y w o o d R e p o r t e r
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Hollywood, CA, United States
professionally manipulated observations on politics, media and celebrity as i see it from my teetering perch just below the hollywood sign

Monday, May 30, 2011

SURPRISE!!!!

im going to be 49 this year and i've never been thrown a surprise birthday party.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

oprah winfrey gets an oscar...finally...

best actress, season finale. scripted crap, but she played it well.

bill clinton...

i'm so glad he's still running this country, he's a smart man.

prescription drugs scattered everywhere...

the wal mart in joplin missouri was blow apart by a tornado. there were alot of powerful prescription drugs in the pharmacy. do you suppose there are people out looking for vicodin and morphine laying around on the ground?

does anyone know...

if you got sucked up into a tornado, what would be the exact cause of death? suffocation? does your head explode from pressurization issues? do they find your body in one piece or is it everywhere?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

breaking news...oprah winfrey is drunk right now...

her final show was taped today. they wrapped about 2 hours ago. that bitch is drunk right now.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

angel wings would burn off in a zero gravity vaccuum..

stephen hawking is catching grief for recently stating that there is no heaven.  everyone is HEARING that he said there is no god.  thats not what he said folks, he simply stated that nowhere within the physical parameters of our universe does there exist a place that contains pearly gates.

the rapture...

i think...that anyone who truely believes the world will end at 6pm today should burn all of their money.  if you take alot of cash out of circulation, you could reset the world financial market and end the economic crisis.  the US dollar would be worth more than a dollar if there were less OF them.  i urge all evangelicals to do this for the good of the country. burn your money now, fools!  AND..if it doesn't happen...the world does not end today, i think all evangelicals should take this as a sign that they are WRONG, and they should just shut the fuck up from here on out.

Friday, May 20, 2011

cyanide laced tylenol...

i kinda hope its a dna match for the unibomber.  the feds think he might be the tylenol killer from back in the 80's in chicago.  it was 1985 and i remember being on a coke and beer run with my crazy black friend gwen. she was the age i am now then, and i was about 21.  we went to the walgreens at north and wells in chicago, and at the register she turns to me, both of us coked and drunk out of out minds and sez "you know baby this is the walgreeens they sold all that tylenol at..."

i would have been super pissed..

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that i had been manipulated if i was this guy in "what would you do".  only way i would have signed the release would have been with a big fat bonus check or i would have said "fuck you, what would you do..."

bloody, blown out, orange hole...

i hope they didn't put this bus ad up anywhere in west hollywood. it's enough to make a queen cringe...

hollywood blvd at wilton place...

cum hoe tires.  really....

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the apple store today...

i went in. my recent computer crash had me concerned about my music. i told the tech that my major concern was that it would get stolen or i would lose the fucker.  i told him i actually would like the ipod surgically implanted on my body so that that would never happen.

never say "i have trouble keeping weight on" to a fat person..

it doesn't go well...

chelsea handler at the pantages...

nobody in hollywood gives a shit about chelsea handler anymore. she works alot, and i believe its because she knows that her type of humor gets on your nerves after awhile.  she's gettin it while she can.  she's not stupid...she's also not funny anymore.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

@patrickshriver...

patrick schwarzenegger, arnold and marias' 13 year old son changed his twitter account yesterday from @pschwarzenegger to @patrickshriver. thats funny...

if you've watched truth or dare...

you will recall that the chicago tour dates for blonde ambition got cancelled.  madonna snarked that that was another reason to not like chicago...other than the fact that oprah winfrey lived there.  yesterday, madonna was in chicago at the united center for the final oprah winfrey show tapings.  she said it would be a "neglect of my obligation to not be here to thank a woman who has been an inspiration and a force of positive change in mine and so many lives for so long."  i feel betrayed.  i feel lied to. i thought these two bitches hated each other.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

the schwarzenegger baby...

you cant tell me that the family members of the illegitimate childs mother did not notice very early on that her kid was a half breed. i'll bet that child support payment was a blanket payment to ALOT of folks to keep their guacamoles shut...

Monday, May 16, 2011

this was interesting..

i saw bridesmaids today at LA Live. it was the 11 o'clock show in theater #11....

hollywood and vine right now...

theyre blowing concrete onto a 4 story parking garage going in next to the montalban theater

i think i'm gonna be sick...

space shuttle endeavor lifted off this morning from cape canaveral on its final mission.  shuttle commander mark kelly exchanged wedding rings with his wife, congresswoman gabrielle giffords beforehand.  does the shuttle come WITH a barfbag???

Monday, May 9, 2011

chaz bono does not have a penis...

and she's not interested in getting one either.  this whole chaz bono thing is stupid.  she's just a fat lesbian who had a breast reduction surgery. "i live as a man now..."  excuse me?? doesn't every lesbian live as a man???  i'll go along with the name change thing, but i can't refer to you as a man until you get your penis..girl...

on the unnecessary frightening of little children...

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face transplant recipients look like frankenstein. you're wondering how the child reacted to seeing her fathers new face for the first time?  she probably screamed.  probably scared her half to death

pakistan is so stupid..

they are denying the u.s. access to the bin laden compound. big deal. we already have everything we need. what do we care about the cock roach and sewer rat problem he faced.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

walgreens brand...

wal-zyrrr-istan...

revlon breast cancer run this morning...

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live from exposition park, reported alex michallson interviewing the head coach of the la sparks. womans baketball coach lending her support to breast cancer research. i admire the concept but i think this big dyke is out here for the titties for another reason too....

really...

this was just slipped in on  the news this morning. the patriot act is up for renewal this year. really. maybe thats what this osama dead now thing is really all about...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

pictures of dead bodies...

id prefer not to see a dead bin laden, but i think theyre gonna have to release the picture...bleech!